It’s done. Thesis submitted, revised, publicly defended and re-submitted! I now officially hold the Ph.D. title.
When my friends and family ask me whether I feel “any different” I disappoint them with a “erm, not actually…”. I think most of us expect the same feeling that we have when we graduate from a university degree, or from High School - I did at least. But the truth is, I was being treated like a “grown-up researcher” for quite some time already, so nothing really changed. Ok, I’m lying, I get to sign my e-mails with “Dr. Ceres Barros” or “Ceres Barros, Ph.D.”… amazing…
I think I’m actually happy that things didn’t change so much for me. I don’t feel any more special because I have a Ph.D. degree and I think no one should. Yes, it’s a hell lot of work. And yes, I poured my heart into it. But also, I did it because I’m passionate about my work and because I wanted to. So, for me the degree is merely confirming to others that I can do research independently. Other than that, I don’t feel any more special than my other MSc colleagues who chose to work for environmental consultancy, for instance.
I think what really matters is what you learn from the whole experience. In my case, I think my learnings were mostly on the personal side of things. Of course I’m much more experienced in a variety of technical aspects, like coding, statistical analyses and scientific writing. But what I felt was the greatest leap was “how to deal with others in academia” - and I know that I still have much to learn!
Coming from a pretty conventional Portuguese academic world and having experienced the British academic environment, France was pretty daunting. Not because it was France, per se, but because I was treated like a researcher, rather than a student, for the first time. I was expected to call for meetings and discuss with others when I needed, and not to wait for others to come to me and ask how my work was advancing. I was also expected to ask for help (and realise that I needed it beforehand) from other researchers other than my advisor(s). This. Was. Hard. It might sound stupid and obvious, but it really was hard for me. And I think that I’m not the only one out there. Shy students typically avoid asking for help and may not even realise they need help. I’m not very shy, but I thought that if I asked for help, others would think I was stupid or ignorant. So, I sometimes spent hours trying to figure out some silly R error, that my next-desk-neighbour could solve in a minute. I’m not saying it isn’t good to be independent and try to solve our own problems before asking for help, but many advisors forget to leave their students at-ease with their questions and doubts, which can lead to isolation and the loss of precious PhD time.
Apart from learning that asking for help is fine, I also learnt that (senior) researchers are not Gods. This was both funny and relieving. It was funny because it reminded me of the feeling that I had when I became older and realised that my Mom and Dad didn’t have the answer for everything (which I know now to be “42”). It was relieving because, if they are not Gods, then I don’t need to be one either. We all make mistakes, we all have different weaknesses and strengths, we are all human. That felt good… :)
I hope my short overview of my experience isn’t disappointing to current Ph.D. students that might read this, and in a way I hope it helps many of them get through some of the emotional challenges a Ph.D. can offer. Many recruiting labs/advisors forget to mention how a Ph.D. will challenge a student personally (or maybe they just don’t care about it) and that the emotional difficulties are part of the growing process. I know that hearing this from my senior colleagues would have helped me through the bad times…
Anyhow, I was very lucky to obtain a position in Victoria, Canada and will be soon moving there to start post-doc in Dr Eliot McIntire’s group. We’ll be working together on dynamical models of mixed-severity fire regimes in forest landscapes where many stakeholders have contrasting views on how the forests should be managed. So these are exciting times to me!
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